I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
