I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize