WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I could make wine with my vomit
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
