yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize