why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
