my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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