i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
