I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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