well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drake has all the answers
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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