my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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