I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
