His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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