I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
