your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
