I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
