So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she peed on how many people?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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