one two three fourrrrnication!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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