i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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