She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
