6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
