Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
