the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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