You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We got so high we made milksteak
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
