I wannas sexs uuuuu
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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