i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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