my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize