yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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