so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
