I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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