whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
