I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
