Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
