I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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