4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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