Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
