i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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