You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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