honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
