I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
