this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
false alarm, still single
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
