I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize