i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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