Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
