textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
