3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
