Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
