I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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