I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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