He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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