You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Someone came in the potted fern
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
