All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize