Your face is a jimmy john
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
