Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
