NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
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