after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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