I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
