he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
