Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
