I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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