So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
