My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
