dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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