he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
