Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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