oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
