So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
